MORNING (AMERICAN
MASTERS)
The lights come up on an art gallery (preferably an existing one at the
San Diego Museum of Art). A museum guard, ANDRÉ, is getting ready for
the morning’s first visitor.He is
oldish, largeish, dark-skinned and very handsome in his uniform and cap. He IS the American Gallery; as much a
resident as the American Masters displayed there. ANDRÉ busies himself readying the gallery:
checking on the leaflets, straightening benches and checking the air
filter.It is a comfortable life for one
who loves art and people.He speaks to
the paintings and calls them by name.
ANDRÉ
Good morning, Miss Bernadetta. Slept well, I trust. Miss Rose, looking pensive as ever, I
see. Mrs. Crane. Easy, Doctor Moore. All right, ladies and gentlemen – and landscapes. Time to shine. I want you all to be on your best behavior
today, as if you didn’t know what day it is. Tuesday, kids. Tuesday is Mrs.
Moore’s day. I know. Now, don’t worry. You’ll be fine. She loves you all the same. Just like I do. All the same. Remember that.
ANNOUNCER
Attention
Museum Staff. The Museum will open in five minutes. Please take your stations and remember:
ANDRÉ and ANNOUNCER
Each guest is a treasured guest, so treat them all as you
would your own family.
ANDRÉ
Not my family. I’ll
treat them all like Mrs. Moore if you don’t mind.
As if on cue, MRS. MOORE enters. She is a striking, impeccably dressed woman of advancing years. She is as white as ANDRÉ is dark and as small
as he is large. She commands attention
because she genuinely nice. She is
comfortable in the museum because of her love of art and people.
MRS. MOORE
Good morning Andre! So nice to see you.
ANDRÉ
Mrs.Moore. Is it Tuesday already?
MRS. MOORE
You don’t fool me, Andre. You got here extra early to rally the troops for my visit. Don’t deny it.
ANDRÉ
Mrs. Moore. If I
spoke to the paintings, they’d lock me up and throw away the key.
MRS. MOORE
Nonsense! How long
have you worked here, Andre?
ANDRÉ
More years than I can remember, Mrs. Moore.
MRS. MOORE
You probably know more than all those young punks who call
themselves curators these days.
ANDRÉ
They have all the degrees, Mrs. Moore.
MRS. MOORE
Yes, but you’ve absorbed so much and you pack heat. And I know you know more than most of them. Last week I heard you discoursing on the
Rembrandt.
ANDRÉ
Well.He’s our
Rembrandt. The son of Harmen on the Rhine. The old
Dutch Master and pretty good with light and shadow, Mrs. Moore.
MRS. MOORE
You are being altogether too coy, Andre. Tell me something I don’t know about one of
these American darlings.
ANDRÉ
I think you know more than I do.
MRS. MOORE
When did I start coming here, Andre?
ANDRÉ
Right after I started in the janitorial staff and neither of
us wants to know how long ago that was.
MRS. MOORE
All that time alone with the paintings, the sculptures,
Andre. Keys to the vaults, the books and
the archives. I know you didn’t waste
it.
ANDRÉ
That was a fun time, Mrs. Moore. I could tell you stories…
AFTERNOON (ASIAN
GALLERY)
The lights come up on an art gallery (preferably an existing one at the
San Diego Museum of Art). Two couples, fortiesh, enter; the two men (BOB
and TED) in front and the women (ALICE and CAROL) behind. They browse at the Asian art and comment.
BOB
What does it all mean, Ted? I mean…
TED
It’s Asian Miniature art, Bob. The sultan would hold them in one hand…
BOB
No, not that. Life.
TED
Oh, you’re getting all philosophical again. Geez, why don’t you get a corvette and a—
BOB
You did it.
TED
I did not.
BOB
You did it. You quit
your job…
TED
Got laid off.
BOB
Took up surfing…
TED
I was invisible.
BOB
What do you mean?
TED
All those beautiful sun-baked goddesses and not a one ever
said anything to me.
BOB
Getting hot chicks to look at you takes money, Ted. Besides what would we do with them?
TED
Bob, we’d do all kinds of interesting things… We’d…
BOB
Be asleep by nine thirty! Come on we’ve got great wives, they’re—
TED
Highly critical…
BOB
Undersexed…
TED
Spending machines…
BOB
That don’t cook.
CAROL
Ooh, this one’s nice. Alice,
look at this one.
ALICE
An Imaginary Gathering of Sages. Carol, I don’t get it. It says Asian art and these guys are clearly
Arab.
CAROL
Indian.
ALICE
Indian?
CAROL
Yes. It says these
guys are dead Muslim saints.
ALICE
Well of course they’re dead; it’s four hundred years old.
CAROL
No, Alice. They were
dead four hundred years before the painting was painted.
ALICE
Imaginary, I get it.
EVENING (EUROPEAN
GALLERY)
The lights come up on an art gallery.An old man, ARTHUR sits before Apollo and Daphne with a bouquet of
flowers. He faces the painting but
speaks to his deceased wife, ANNNE.
ARTHUR
…it seems to me like it’s been the longest set of cold rain
I’ve ever seen.Anyways, I brought
flowers…Happy Anniversary, Annie
darling. I don’t know if you’re here or
not but it makes me feel good to remember you like you were. I still don’t know what possessed me to come
up to you as you stood before this painting, but I’m glad I did. Apollo and Daphne. You and me. I remember coming in to the museum to get out of the rain, wandering into
this gallery and seeing something more beautiful than all the art in the
world. You were so determined to become
a great painter….
ANNE has appeared. She is most
definitely a spirit. She even wears
robes like the ones Daphne wears.
ANNE
You were so handsome in your uniform. So unlike the men I was interested in then;
bad skin and paint under their nails. You were different, Arthur. You weren’t
afraid to love.
ARTHUR
I guess I loved you from the beginning, Anne. I couldn’t help myself. I mean there you were in those over-sized
clothes, most of your hair all up, the rest falling into your beautiful
face. Those glasses couldn’t hide your
beauty. This has to be my destiny, I
said, otherwise why am I here? I don’t
like art.
ANNE
But I changed that for you, didn’t I darling?
ARTHUR
But you changed that for me. I miss you, Annie.
ANNE
It’s been interesting. Sometimes it’s painful to see people with so much going for them not getting
it at all, but otherwise, it’s been fun to wait for you, darling.
DEVON and MARTIN enter in a flurry of action. DEVON could be ANNE in her younger days down
to the wild hair, baggy clothes, and glasses that can’t cover up her beauty. She carries a large bag. MARTIN is a complete nerd but dressed nicely for
the occasion and even has a flower in his lapel.
MARTIN
Are you sure he knows where to meet us?
DEVON
How should I know? He’s
your friend, Martin. Didn’t you give him
all the information?
MARTIN
Duh. I gave him
specific instructions with GPS coordinates.
DEVON
And he has all the shit?
MARTIN
Couldn’t you refer to our marriage license and Tony’s
clerkship as something other than shit?
DEVON
You know what I mean.
MARTIN
Look, if you don’t want to—
DEVON
I want to! Do you?
MARTIN
Devon, it was my idea. I
just think sometimes that you’re doing it to shut me up.
DEVON
I’m here aren’t I? I
want to get married right in front of (
she
sees ARTHUR) oh…
MARTIN
What?
DEVON
(whispers)
That creepy old guy. He’s here again.
MARTIN (whispers)
He likes the painting. I’m sure you can understand that.
DEVON
I just wanted everything to be… I don’t know.
MARTIN
You did?
For rights and royalty information, please contact W. Simmons & Associates
info@wsimmonsandassociates.com